Banjo the Red-Nosed Smash Bear
by Imaginative-Believer
Summary: A parody of Rankin/Bass' "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," with our beloved Banjo the Bear as the star!
1. Prologue

_If I live to be a hundred, I'll never forget that big storm a couple of years ago. The weather closed in and… well, you might not believe it, but our beloved Super Smash Bros fan base almost missed the annual Smashmas!_

_Oh excuse me, you can call me "King Dedede." What's the matter, haven't you seen a fat, talking snow penguin with a giant star-studded hammer before?_

_It's nice around here isn't it? I call this place "Smashtown," better known as the "North Pole." A lovely place to live, you know. My old buddies, the Waddle Dees seem to like it too (a group Waddle Dees are shown in the background, playing in the snow). Of course the number one citizens up here are Sakurai and Mrs. Sakurai. They live right over there (King Dedede points his hammer forward to a vast, Japanese castle). The first castle on the left. As a matter of fact, the only castle on the left._

In a dark room, in front of a computer, a familiar, slender Japanese man in a black, button up shirt was working very hard on Super Smash Bros content. He had an ardent desire to please his fans and worked tirelessly, day after day, to do just that.

The man's work was interrupted when a beautiful Japanese woman in a pink kimono walked into the room and said, "Daddy Sakurai, you've been working relentlessly. It's not good for your health. Please, take a break!"

"I'm busy, Mama, Smashmas is coming and I want to please the fans!" Sakurai objected.

"You've almost lost your arm once and taken an IV drop, and your fans are BEGGING you to take a break!" Mrs. Sakurai argued. She then began trying to pull a resisting Sakurai away from his computer, begging, "Please, PLEASE, TAKE A BREAK!"

_Now don't any of you worry your heads about Sakurai. Mrs. Sakurai will have him plenty rested up by Smashmas Eve. It's always the same story._

_Ahhh. I LOVE this Smashmassy time of year! Especially when everything's running happy and smooth like it is this season. Nothing like that year of the big snowstorms. Ughhhh! I don't know what we would have done without Banjo to pull us through. Anyway… hmmm, Banjo? Could it be that some of you are not acquainted with the story of Banjo? Well, pull up an ice block and lend an ear._

_Now, you know how Sakurai uses the Original 12 to pull his Hype Train. You know Mario, Donkey Kong, Link, Samus, Yoshi, and Kirby… Fox, Pikachu, Luigi, Ness, Captain Falcon, and Jigglypuff. (Singing) But do you recall, the most famous Smash Bear of all? (An instrumental version of Banjo the Red-Nosed Smash Bear subsequently begins to play)_

**Banjo as Rudolph**

**Diddy Kong as Hermey**

**King Dedede as Sam the Snowman**

**Isabelle as Clarice**

**Donkey Kong as Yukon Cornelius**

**Sakurai as Santa Claus**

**Mrs. Sakurai as Mrs. Claus**

**Bowser as Foreman Elf**

**Duck Hunt as Fireball**

**King K. Rool as Bumble**

**Krystal as Donner**

**Fox as Donner**

**Captain Falcon as Coach Comet**

**Lucario as Clarice's Father**

**Palutena as King Moonracer (w/ Viridi and Pit as Extras)**

**Geno as Charlie-in-the-Box**

**Crash as Spotted Elephant**

**Shantae as Dolly for Sue**

**Waluigi as Bird Fish**

**Rex & Pyra as Cowboy & Ostrich**

**Steve as Train w/ Square Wheels**

**Spyro as Boat that Sinks**

**Doom Slayer as Gun Toy Squirting Jelly**

**Sora as Scooter for Jimmy**


	2. Chapter 1

_Well, now, let me tell you about Banjo. It all started a few years before that big snow. It was springtime, and Sakurai's 7th member of the Original 12, Fox McCloud, had just become a proud adoptive father of a baby bear cub._

Fox and his wife, a beautiful, blue female fox named Krystal, sat in their family room together, Fox in his armchair and Krystal on a sofa with a red-nosed baby bear cub in her arms, as they tried to come up with a name for their newest family member.

"How about we name him Teddy?" Krystal suggested.

"Nah, that's too cliche," Fox replied. "How about Banjo?"

"I like the name Banjo, too," Krystal smiled. "Banjo is a lovely name."

"Banjo it is, then," Fox said.

"Banjo," Krystal gushed over her adorable adoptive son, prompting him to look up at her with his big blue eyes.

"He-hey, he knows his name already," Fox commented, only for him and his wife to subsequently be taken aback with something unexpected.

Baby Banjo's red nose began to flash with glowing light as he babbled his first words, "Mama! Papa! Guh-huh!"

"He's… he's got a shiny nose!" Krystal gasped.

"Shiny? I'd say it glows!" Fox told his wife.

Banjo just looked innocently over at Fox and back up at Krystal, while letting out some adorable infant laughter, as his red nose glowed some more.

"Well, we'll simply have to overlook it," Krystal said to her husband.

"Now, how can you overlook that?" Fox asked. "His beak blinks like a blinking beacon!"

The discussion was interrupted by a knock on the door, and Fox went to go answer it.

"Gosh, I hope that's not Sakurai," Fox worriedly whispered to himself.

He opened the door and… just what he feared… it was Sakurai.

"Konnichiwa, Fox-san," Sakurai warmly greeted, with a bow.

"Uhhh, hey, Sakurai," Fox reciprocated, somewhat hesitantly.

"So, where's the new member of the family?" Sakurai asked.

"Uhhh," Fox vocalized nervously.

"Come on, I've been eager to meet your new cub," Sakurai said.

Fox sighed and answered, "Krystal has him."

"Well what's there to worry about? I'm sure Krystal will make a great mother," Sakurai told Fox. "Now are you going to let me in to meet your new cub? After all, if he's going to be on my Hype Train Team someday, he'd better get to know me."

"Uh… yeah… come on in, I guess," Fox said in an uncomfortable, almost muttering tone.

Fox then led Sakurai into the family room, where Krystal was with Banjo. Sakurai was happy to see Banjo, and the baby bear cub seemed enthusiastic himself as Krystal handed him over to Sakurai.

"Well, hi there, aren't you a sturdy little fellow?" Sakurai cheerfully greeted while holding Banjo up in front of him. The man then laughed while hugging the baby bear and tussling his tufted hair.

"Sakurai, guh-huh!" Baby Banjo babbled.

"Oh, and smart too!" Sakurai marveled, holding Banjo out in front of him. The man was then surprised to see Banjo's nose glow, and shouted, "Great World of Light!"

"N-now I'm sure it'll stop as soon as he grows up, Sakurai," Fox stammered. "I hope."

"Well, let's hope so if he wants to make the Hype Train Team someday," Sakurai said. Fox and Krystal then looked at him, mortified, until he burst into laughter and said, "I'm kidding! I'm sure Baby Banjo will make a fine addition to my team someday when he is all grown up. And who knows, this glowing, red nose of his may serve a unique purpose."

"Perhaps, I suppose," Fox suggested. Krystal then rubbed his back and smiled at him.

"Hype… Train?" Banjo questioned innocently.

"Ah, it seems the young one is inquisitive about it already," Sakurai commented. He then placed Banjo on the floor and sat in front of him in seiza position, saying, "You see, little fellow, every year I shine up my jingle bells for my 12 original fighters… including your Papa."

Sakurai then got up and began to do a dance and song for Banjo…

_Jingle, jingle, jingle, you will hear my Hype Train ring_

_I am Daddy Sakurai, I'm the King of Smash hyping_

_Jingle, jingle fighters (putting jingle bells on Fox)_

_Through the frosty air they'll go (Fox flies around)_

_They're not just plain fighters_

_They're the founders of Smash Bros (Banjo looks up at Fox and trips)_

_Ho, ho! You must believe that on Smashmas Eve_

_I won't pass you by (Banjo crawls to Sakurai, who pets him on the head)_

_I'll dash you away on my magic Hype Train_

_Flying through the sky (Banjo puts on Fox's jingle bells and dances)_

_Jingle, jingle, jingle, you will hear my Hype Train ring_

_I am Daddy Sakurai, I'm the King of Smash hyping_

_I am Daddy Sakurai, I'm the King of Smash hyping_

_Ho, ho!_

"Guh-huh!" Baby Banjo laughed, adorably clapping.

"Well, it was such a pleasure to meet the little guy, but I must be on my way now," Sakurai said. "I have lots more work to do for the Smash fans."

"Uh, okay, take care, Sakurai," Fox answered, somewhat skittishly.

"Thank you for your time, Sakurai," Krystal smiled.

"Thank you both for allowing me to meet your cub," Sakurai said with a bow. He then tussled Baby Banjo's hair and said, "Take care for now, little cub."

Sakurai then exited the house, and Banjo innocently said, "Bye-bye."

"Oh, Fox, Sakurai will LOVE having Banjo on the Hype Train Team someday," Krystal smiled, hugging her husband's arm and affectionately resting her head on his shoulder.

"I'm not so convinced" Fox told his wife. "Krystal, we both know Sakurai has a history of saying one thing and then doing another. What if Banjo's nose ends up doing more harm than good? Then he'll NEVER make the Hype Train Team."

"Fox, I think you're worrying too much," Krystal replied.

"No, I'm not, I just feel it's better to be safe than sorry," Fox objected. He thought for a moment and said, "I've got it, we'll hide Banjo's nose."

"Hide it?" Krystal asked.

"Yeah," Fox affirmed. He then beckoned Baby Banjo, saying, "Come here, boy."

Banjo crawled over to his foster father, who took out some black clay and put it over his nose, saying, "You'll be a normal little bear cub now, right? A chip off the old paws."

Banjo looked down sorrowfully, and Fox told him, "Now, now, you'll get used to it. Bring it in, son."

Banjo hugged his foster father, who cooed, "Awww, gee."

"Ugh, enough of this nonsense, Fox!" Krystal snapped, pulling the black clay off of Banjo's nose.

"Guh, huh!" Baby Banjo laughed, as his red nose glowed again.


	3. Chapter 2

_For the first year, the McClouds did a pretty fair job of hiding Banjo's, uh… non-conformity. Fox taught Banjo all the ins and outs of being a Smash character. How to get food, how to fight off enemies, things like that. But most important… (Fox's head perks up in fear and shock as he hears stomping and roaring in the distance) Most important of all, he taught his son to beware of… the Abominable King K. Rool of the North! (Fox and Banjo hide behind a snowbank as King K. Rool passes by). He's mean, he's nasty, and he hates everything to do with Smashmas!_

_Now, aside from King K. Rool, business goes on as usual. And soon it is right before Smashmas, and everybody is getting ready for that big, big sleigh ride on the night of the 24th… Smashmas Eve! See, all the Smash Merchandise Sakurai brings are made by these elves. Mostly Koopalings, but a handful of non-Koopalings too. Most notably a somewhat miserable monkey who lacked passion for merchandise making._

"DIDDY KONG!" roared Bowser, the Head Elf and father of the Koopalings. "Aren't you finished painting that Amiibo yet?"

Diddy Kong had barely brushed on a Piranha Plant Amiibo, and beside him was a huge stash of unpainted Amiibos that the other elves had made.

The other elves looked at Diddy irritably as Bowser continued scolding him, "There's a pileup a mile wide behind you! What's eating you, boy?!"

"Not happy with my work, I guess," Diddy Kong shrugged, discouraged.

"WHAT?!" Bowser barked.

"I just don't like making Smash merchandise," Diddy Kong explained.

"Well if that's all… WHAT?! YOU DON'T LIKE MAKING SMASH MERCHANDISE?!" Bowser furiously questioned.

"Nnnno," Diddy Kong answered somewhat hesitantly.

"Diddy doesn't like making Smash Merchandise!" Bowser told the rest of his crew.

"Diddy doesn't like making Smash Merchandise!" all the elves repeated into one another's ears down the workshop table. Once the last elf heard it, they all turned back to Banjo and shouted, "SHAME ON YOU!"

"Do you mind telling me what you do want to do?!" Bowser asked angrily, yet somewhat mockingly.

"Well, sir, someday I'd like to be a… a kart racer," Diddy Kong answered, smiling as his spirits began to perk up a bit at the thought of his passion.

"A KART RACER?!" Bowser questioned, outraged.

All the elves burst into laughter, but Diddy Kong remained confident as he pulled out a kart racing book and told his boss, "Well, we don't have kart racing as a form of entertainment in Smashtown yet, and I've studied a lot on ideas for race tracks, racing tips, how to build a kart, and all kinds of cool stuff like that. I even have some friends that I could race with too."

"Now, listen, you, you're an elf, and elves make Smash merchandise!" Bowser scolded. He then swatted the kart racing book out of Diddy Kong's little hands, pointed at him and roared, "NOW GET BACK TO WORK!"

A gong blasted three times, which marked the beginning of "Break Time" for the elves.

"Ten minutes break!" Bowser announced.

Promptly, all the elves began leaving the workshop. Even Diddy Kong got up to leave, until Bowser grabbed him by his back suit collar and sat him back down in his seat.

"Where do you think you're going, you lazy little lemur?!" Bowser questioned.

"First of all, I'm not a lemur, and secondly, you said it's-" Diddy Kong answered, only to be cut off by his bullying boss.

"Break time?! Not for you!" Bowser interrupted. "FINISH THE JOB, OR YOU'RE FIRED!"

The angry head elf then stormed out of the workshop and slammed the door shut.

Diddy Kong shed a few tears and then sang to himself, "Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nitwit. You can't fire me, I quit, since I don't fit in."

_Ah, well. Such is the life of an elf. Meanwhile, Banjo is having his growing pains too. Old Fox is determined to keep Banjo's nose a secret._

At the McClouds' house, Fox was trying to get Banjo to try on the fake nose made out of black clay from when he was an infant, but the young bear cub was not having it.

"Alright, son, try it on," Fox enjoined a young Banjo.

"Aw, Dad, do I really have to?" Banjo questioned.

"Yes!" Fox snapped. "Now come put it on!"

"No!" Banjo refused.

"Fox," Krystal soothingly interjected.

"Stay out of this, Krystal," Fox rebuffed.

"But, Dad, I don't want to wear that fake nose, I don't like it!" Banjo argued.

"You'll like it and wear it, Banjo!" Fox scolded.

"But, Dad!" Banjo protested.

Growing impatient, Fox forced the black clay nose over Banjo's real red nose, much to Banjo's discomfort.

"It's not very comfortable," Banjo told his father.

"There are more important things than comfort… self-respect!" Fox lectured. "Sakurai surely won't have any objections to you now."

"I just don't want to be something I'm not," Banjo muttered, crestfallen, as he turned and walked toward the front door.

Krystal attempted to follow Banjo, but Fox stopped her, saying, "Let him sulk it out, Krystal. He'll be just fine later on."

Krystal just sighed in frustration, knowing that she couldn't argue with her stubborn husband. While Fox had a noble intention to protect his son from ridicule and possible rejection from Sakurai's Hype Train Team, Krystal knew that he was taking things too far.

Once outside, Banjo sat down on the front porch, took his fake nose off, and sang, "Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nitwit just because my nose glows. Why don't I fit in?"

Promptly, Banjo's pet Red Crested Breegull, Kazooie, popped her head out of Banjo's blue backpack and answered, "Because your Dad's a jerk, that's why!"

"What if he's right though?" Banjo asked, beginning to cry. "What if people don't respect me if they see my nose? What if Sakurai never accepts me onto the Hype Train Team because of it? But gosh, that nose is so uncomfortable."

"Banjo, you shouldn't have to wear that piece of crap if it makes you feel uncomfortable," Kazooie told her best friend/owner.

Banjo sniffled, and replied, "I don't have a choice, Kazooie. Dad always forces me to do it."

"That is child abuse, I say we should get some third party intervention!" Kazooie suggested.

"But what if nobody helps us?" Banjo sobbed.

"Then you know what, they're a bunch of jerks too and nobody's worth our time," Kazooie answered. "And if Sakurai of all people would have a problem with your nose, then he's a COLOSSAL jerk!"

"I wish Dad would understand, Kazooie," Banjo wept.

"Well, forget about-" Kazooie began, only to be interrupted by the sound of the front door opening up.

Not wanting to see Fox, Kazooie hastily slumped back down inside Banjo's backpack, while Banjo himself hastily put his fake nose back on and wiped away his tears. Banjo turned around and looked to see Fox coming out of the doorway, with Krystal behind him.

Fox gave his son a nod and smile of approval and said, "There we go. Come here, son."

Banjo got up and hugged his father, who told him, "Everything's going to be just fine."

Krystal silently shook her head, knowing that everything would not be "just fine." Trying to hide Banjo's nose would surely backfire. It was only a matter of time.


	4. Chapter 3

_And so time passes. Smashmas comes and goes on schedule for the next three years, and eventually it is April, when all the young Smash fighters come out with their folks once every few years… to meet other young Smash fighters… and… to be inspected by Sakurai._

Banjo was a tween when Fox and Krystal brought him out to the Smash Fighter Games for the very first time. Banjo had his dreaded fake nose on, but at the same time was nervous about his real nose being exposed to the other young Smash fighters.

"Now, don't worry about your nose, son, just get out there and do your stuff," Fox advised Banjo. "Remember, you're my little cub."

Fox nudged Banjo forward, Kazooie popped her head out of Banjo's backpack as the young bear himself walked on to join the other young Smash Fighters. They were quickly greeted by another young mammal and bird duo, a dog with a duck on his back.

"Hi, we're Duck Hunt," the dog introduced. "You can call us Dog and Duck. What are your names?"

"I'm Banjo, and the Breegull in my backpack is-" Banjo began.

"Kazooie, pleased to make your acquaintance, Duck Hunt," Kazooie finished. She then told Banjo, "Just for future reference, Banjo, I'm capable of introducing myself."

"Okay, I was just trying to be nice, that's all," Banjo explained.

"Well, come on, you guys can be our buddies," Duck said.

Banjo and Kazooie walked on with Duck Hunt and asked, "Where are we going?"

"To the Smash Fighter Games," Dog answered. "Gives young ones like us a moment to shine."

"Besides, it's a good way to show off in front of the girls," Duck added.

"Well I'm a girl and I'm not looking to be wooed over by anyone, I'm only here to support Banjo, just F.Y.I.," Kazooie sassily told Dog and Duck.

"That's okay," Dog answered.

"Well, come on, you guys," Duck beckoned.

"Alright, Kazooie, let's go!" Banjo beamed, running along with Duck Hunt, Kazooie in tow.

_Ah, youth. Meanwhile, the elves are bustling with activity. Smashmas is over, but they still keep busy with lessons… in elf improvement._

"ALL OUT FOR ELF PRACTICE!" Bowser shouted as all his elves (except for Diddy Kong) gathered by the front doors in the lobby of Sakurai's Castle.

"Well, let's get this over with, I have to go look over the new Smash Fighters," Sakurai said somewhat apathetically as he looked at his iPhone for the time.

"Okay, Sakurai," Bowser answered. He then enjoined his elves, "Now let's try out the new elf song I wrote, and remember, it's for Sakurai. 3, 2, 1… GO!"

"Ho, ho, ho… ho, ho, ho… we are Sakurai's elves," all the elves collectively sang. "We are Sakurai's elves, filling Sakurai's shelves… with Smash merchandise for the girls and the guys, oh, we are Sakurai's elves."

"We work hard all day!" Bowser's favorite son, Bowser Jr., loudly sang.

"Oh, but our work is play!" another Koopaling, Morton Jr., chimed in.

"Joy Cons we try out, see if they cry out, we are Sakurai's elves," the rest of the elves sang while Bowser Jr. smacked Morton Jr. to the ground with a Joy Con backhand. "We've a special job each year."

"We don't like to brag!" the tallest Koopaling, Iggy, loudly sang, standing up behind his two oldest siblings, Ludwig and Lemmy.

"Smashmas Eve, we always fill Sakurai's bag," the rest of the elves continued, as Iggy fell head first into a large sack with a Smash logo that Ludwig and Lemmy opened up. "Sakurai knows who's good. Do the things you should, and we bet you he won't forget you. We are Sakurai's elves. Ho, ho, ho… ho, ho, ho… we are Sakurai's elves - ho, HO!"

Mrs. Sakurai gleefully applauded the elves' song, but Sakurai was not impressed.

"Hmmm, well, it needs work… I have to go," Sakurai rebuffed. He then hastily made his way out the castle doors to go observe the Smash Fighter games.

"Never mind Daddy Sakurai, that song was beautiful, you keep it just the way it was," Mrs. Sakurai soothed Bowser. She then left the castle to find her husband, calling, "Daddy Sakurai?! DADDY SAKURAI?!"

Bowser then scolded Bowser Jr., who was second-in-command of the elves, saying, "That sounded terrible! The tenor section was weak!"

"It wasn't our fault, Dad, Diddy Kong didn't show up," Bowser Jr. explained.

"WHAT?!" Bowser screamed, furious.

Meanwhile, Diddy Kong was upstairs in the Smash Merchandise Workshop, with a few plush dolls of Smash waifus on the table, as he was driving a Daisy doll around the room on a remote-controlled Blue Falcon. Diddy Kong was quite pleased when his Daisy doll crossed the Finish Line, as she completed her race time just a few seconds under a minute.

"AH-HA-HOO!" Diddy Kong cheered, lifting the Daisy doll out of the Blue Falcon and hugging her, "You beat your record this time, congratulations!"

"WHY WEREN'T YOU AT ELF PRACTICE?!" Bowser roared, bursting the door open and causing Diddy Kong to flinch.

"I-I-I was just uh, uh, taking these dolls for a test run on the Blue Falcon," Diddy Kong stammered.

Bowser just walked up to the scared little monkey, snatched the Daisy doll from him, and violently flung it aside, and scolded, "First of all, those dolls aren't for racing, you idiot! You know that! And secondly, remote-controlled cars like the Blue Falcon will work just fine if you put BATTERIES in them! There's no need to 'test run' (bending his fingers upon "test run") anything!"

"I just… I just thought it would be a good way to… to fit in," Diddy Kong answered shakily.

"Well, as long as you keep up this nonsense, you'll NEVER fit in!" Bowser yelled. The head elf then walked to the doorway and gave his last scolding words to Diddy Kong, "Now, if you'd get your little baboon buns to Elf Practice for once, then maybe you'll actually learn a thing or two about how to 'fit in' (bending his fingers upon the words "fit in")! A kart racer?! GOOD GRIEF!"

**BAM!** Bowser slammed the door shut.

"You know what I've had enough," Diddy Kong angrily said to himself. "Just like that butthurt reptile said, I'll never fit in!"

The monkey then walked toward the nearest window, opened it, and began to climb out, saying, "Well, I guess I'm on my own now."


End file.
